On mezcal, mushrooms and love

Published in Nuda:Munchies

I’m at Capri to work on my new novel. The wind and the sun has led me to heavy drinking which has been going on for a week as I call up Lykke Li. Lykke is in her home in Los Angeles – she shows me her green sofa, her green carpet, and her green plants.

Outside my window, the sun is setting and leaves the sky orange and swelling. I take a sip of my beer.

Emma: How is your relationship to drinking and writing, is there a connection?

Lykke: Actually not. I come from a ballet background, which has made me quite disciplined. I’ve always been quite strict with that. Of course, I drink on tour, but never when I write.

Emma: So, how does alcohol work for you?

Lykke: When I was younger, I could drink until I puked. It wasn’t until I found mezcal that I started to really enjoy alcohol. From mezcal, you don’t even get hangovers.

Emma: Really, no hangover at all?

Lykke: No, it’s quite amazing. Partying on mezcal is the best. And it also has a sexual energy…

Emma: A sexual energy?

Lykke: Yeah, alcohol makes it easier to flirt and opens you up. It takes away inhibitions. Drinking for me is a way to loosen up and let my mind drift away into my body. I suppose just feeling yourself in your body can be quite sexual.

Emma: What’s sexy to you?

Lykke: Sexy for me is to feel good in my body. To feel juicy and comfortable!

Emma: Juicy?

Lykke: Like full of life and energy, you know? Sometimes I take a long bath, put on oils on my body and look at myself in the mirror and think… I just feel myself. You know? When you’re dancing or when you feel good and alive. When you’re laughing and feeling free. I’ve always thought the sexiest thing is just to watch people totally be themselves in their element; to be unique and in the moment. Isabelle Huppert is one of the sexiest and coolest people I know.

Emma: Do you like being perceived as sexy? Or do you get uncomfortable when people look at you in that way? I guess being a woman and an artist, you’ve had other people’s eyes on you quite a lot.

Lykke: To be honest, I’ve never really felt objectified, like ever. I’ve never been the type of person that had a guy come up to me. I feel like I’ve always been objectified for something else than my looks. I’ve neither been referred to as a straight-up classic beauty nor sexy. I’ve always wondered what it feels like to be that. Sometimes, I even feel sad or weird that I haven’t. You know?

Emma: Yeah, I mean we are taught that it’s something bad to be objectified by the world. But sometimes, I really want people to objectify me. I want other people to look at me that way.

Lykke: We are taught that’s how men react around women, so when you don’t have that effect on men, it can be very confusing.

Emma: I know you recently started your own mezcal brand Yola with two of your friends.
Tell me about it!

Lykke: It started as a friendship but now, Yola, Gina, and I do everything together. I met Yola down in Mexico City seven years ago and fell in love with her, the mezcal, but of course, primarily, her mission. She’s an indigenous, feminist, and lesbian woman in this super macho country who wanted to create economic independence for women in Oaxaca. That felt truly exciting to me, and then, of course, the product was amazing. It’s her old grandfather’s recipe. It’s just really powerful to be working with your friends and with this ancient magical potion.

Emma: Do you have a favorite mezcal drink? Or do you just drink it straight up?

Lykke: I love to drink it straight. But I also love to combine it with fresh ginger, cucumber, and lime. You can indeed mix it with any kind of fresh juice, although, I don’t like it with sugar.

Emma: – That’s mature. I would put so much sugar in.

Lykke: No you don’t, because the mezcal itself is rather sweet.

Emma: When I was reading up on you, it seemed like you’ve done it all in terms of trying to connect with yourself; therapy, fortunetelling, shamans, and healing. What is it that you’ve been searching for? And have you found it?

But there is of course the golden combination of chocolate mushrooms and mezcal.

Emma: I know you recently started your own mezcal brand Yola with two of your friends.
Tell me about it!

Lykke: It started as a friendship but now, Yola, Gina, and I do everything together. I met Yola down in Mexico City seven ears ago and fell in love with her, the mezcal, but of course, primarily, her mission. She’s an indigenous, feminist, and lesbian woman in this super macho country who wanted to create economic independence for women in Oaxaca. That felt truly exciting to me, and then, of course, the product was amazing. It’s her old grandfather’s recipe. It’s just really powerful to be working with your friends and with this ancient magical potion.

Emma: Do you have a favorite mezcal drink? Or do you just drink it straight up?

Lykke: I love to drink it straight. But I also love to combine it with fresh ginger, cucumber, and lime. You can indeed mix it with any kind of fresh juice, although, I don’t like it with sugar.

Emma: That’s mature. I would put so much sugar in.

Lykke: No you don’t, because the mezcal itself is rather sweet.

Emma: When I was reading up on you, it seemed like you’ve done it all in terms of trying to connect with yourself; therapy, fortunetelling, shamans, and healing. What is it that you’ve been searching for? And have you found it?

Lykke: I’ve suffered from depression most of my life, so I’ve always tried ways to work with that. I wanted to be able to open my eyes and tune in to all the beauty around us, rather than feeling like I am lacking something, making me unhappy. My journey has been about being awake and grateful, and I think what has helped me the most is therapy and meditation.

Emma: Why do you think it helped you?

Lykke: I think it’s a way to transform yourself completely. I’ve been really interested in neurochemistry, and it is, in fact, scientifically proven that you can rewire your brain through meditation. It’s a way to step out of the narrative and into the unknown, the quantum, and the Sth dimension. I find that appealing. It has been nothing but life-changing and -saving. It is hard to describe in words, but it has completely changed my life, my brain, and my inner dialogue.

Emma: Do you see yourself as a spiritual person?

Lykke: Sure. I know it has a bad reputation, but I’m for sure spiritual. I don’t think you could be working with music if you’re not spiritual in some way. Music is like singing melodies from heaven and being able to tune into that.

Emma: You’ve spoken about quitting music a lot of times. Why?

Lykke: I never really thought about quitting music, but I’ve thought a lot about quitting the commercialized music industry. It’s a quite hardcore place, and it’s exhausting to tour a lot if you’re a sensitive person, as I am. I think what I would want to quit is to have to capitalize on my music.

Emma: How would you describe the difference between psychedelic drugs and drinking?

Lykke: I use it for different things. Psychedelics really takes me to an introverted state of my mind. Alcohol is different, more extroverted I guess. But there is of course the golden combination of chocolate mushrooms and mezcal.

Emma: I have been drinking alone for quite some time now, do you ever drink alone?

Lykke: No never.

Emma: Never?

Lykke: Sometimes, when I try to be melodramatic I can have a glass of wine and feel sorry for myself, but not presently.

Emma: I see.

Lykke: To me, alcohol is a more social, celebratory thing.

Emma: So you have never used alcohol in a soothing way?

Lykke: No, I have never done that. Alcohol for me is for celebration, not for numbing. I’ve never felt soothed with alcohol. When I feel down and depressed, I really try to go into the feelings instead of trying to escape them with alcohol.

I don’t think you could be working with music if you’re not spiritual in some way.

Emma: So you’re not afraid of dark feelings?

Lykke: No, I maybe embrace it too much and live in this hyper-emotional state all the time. I tend to be overly interested in my own emotions and I do a lot of different deep digging therapies and could spend every waking hour analyzing my inner self. I am very aware that I can be a completely self-involved asshole sometimes.

Emma: I know you’ve had some losses in your life. You lost your mom at the same time as you got your son. How does one reconcile loss?

Lykke: I think the things that happen to us are like, a rite of passage. It’s just life. So when it happens to you, you just have to put on your pants and be like, OK – I’m going through this. Whether it’s losing your mom or a divorce, you just have to face it. When it happened to me, I really examined it, I let it seep through me, and today I’m much stronger and happier than before. Movies, music, and literature can help you make sense of what’s happening. I feel like we are very bad at dealing with anything in the Western world. If we look at other cultures, they embrace death in another way.

The sun is now burning red outside my window, Lykke’s bedroom is still very green.

Emma: Here at Capri there are a lot of rituals where writers and party people from all times have been getting high on opium and trying to connect with the sun. Are there any special rituals surrounding mezcal?

Lykke: For sure. Mexico is very ritualistic. Alcohol in general is said to be a way to get in touch with spirits, but it can be both good and bad spirits. So you always have to be aware of how much and with whom you drink.

Emma: So, what are your favorite topics to talk about while drinking? Something you feel you are always sliding towards while being drunk?

Lykke: Love. Definitely, love.

Emma: What is love to you?

Lykke: Up until recently, I thought love was always fantastical, heightened, bombastic, tumultuous, dramatic, and painful. But I’ve realized that was all a misconception. Since I got my son, I realized that love could also be grounding. And love is a choice; you choose to love someone despite their flaws or whatever. He’s a toddler, and everyone can relate to how difficult that can be at times, but you love your kids no matter what. For the last two years, I’ve also really been trying to understand the concept of self-love. After I had a kid, my relationship sadly fell apart, so now I’m in a relationship with myself. I try to love myself, my life, and my work. It’s going pretty well.

Emma: When I got dumped last year, I listened to Never Going to Love Again on repeat. Do you ever feel that way?

Lykke: No, not anymore but I used to. I feel like I have a great love in front of me. But it’s always better to be alone than in something fucked up.

Emma: That’s good advice, actually.

Lykke: The past year has been really different here in LA than in Sweden. Since everything has been shut down, I’ve had a lot of time to myself. I’ve done a lot of work with myself and I think I’ve changed my vibration. I feel very hopeful.

Emma: How do you imagine that love ahead of you looks like?

Lykke: I think it’s really simple. Deep down we all just want to be loved for exactly who we are. Right now, I want something kind and nurturing, which is not what I’ve been looking for all my life. I had a very different idea about what love was supposed to be when I was younger.

Emma: When is the perfect time to have the first drink, in your opinion?

Lykke: Apertivo hour, for sure.

Emma: What about drinking in LA?

Lykke: LA is a very unrefined place, there is nothing here really. LA is… it doesn’t really have its own culture. I don’t even know how to describe LA, there is nothing… and now with the pandemic, of course, it’s all shut down.

Emma: I have never been, so I have no idea. But I guess my picture is that it’s quite dull.

Lykke: Yeah it’s a shame. Like, the weather is always sunny, you could have Apertivo every day, but I guess people don’t have that sensibility here. That’s why I love France, Italy.

Emma: So your move to LA was more career-driven?

Lykke: No, not at all.

Emma: How come you moved there then? Why did you leave Sweden?

Lykke: I grew up in Portugal half time, so the Swedish climate and vibe have never really been 100% for me, even if one side of me really loves it there. Especially now, with Corona and everything, I’ve really been idealizing living a normal life at like Mariatorget. But I’ve always wanted to be in a place where I can run around barefoot. I moved to New York when I was 19 and it just made me so exhausted. LA became a place for me to just breathe, where everything is was quiet, and I could rest after touring a lot. I liked to sit in a backyard and, walk around and eat really delicious things. At that time, it was freeing for me to be able to just be in my sportswear or pajamas all day and write. But it’s also lonely here; it’s a place where I hear my own thoughts. Today I have this love-hate relationship with LA, but there have been times when I hated it to my core. Although, I have a kid with an American, so I can’t really leave.

Emma: What is it that you hate about LA?

Lykke: I hate that it’s filled with Americans and like, a bunch of idiots. I hate that it can be very ugly. Segregation is extreme. LA is a place that only works for you if you have enough money. My garden helps though. I’m looking out at this…

Lykke show her beautiful garden.

Lykke: So, I just sit here and look at it all day, and feel like OK, this is cool. But if you choose to look the other way, then you just see a bunch of shit everywhere. You know, McDonald’s and homeless people. Politically, it’s also really fucked up. People don’t even have health insurance and it’s always like whatever that happens, whether it’s climate-related, the Black Lives Matter movement, or Corona, it always strikes back at people who are already suffering.

Emma: What would you say is the biggest difference between America and Sweden?

Lykke: It’s like capitalism vs. socialism.

Emma: So you’re a socialist?

Lykke: I don’t really understand why you should have to define yourself as one or the other. I’m a humanitarian feminist? But sure, I rather have a Bernie Sanders as president. I like health care and fairness for everyone.

A cat starts to cry in my garden. I open a new beer.

Emma: Do you ever have social anxiety after drinking?

Lykke: I don’t feel that no. If I’ve done some crazy stuff the day before, I just find it interesting. I don’t feel ashamed.

Emma: But do you let completely loose on alcohol?

Lykke: Not really anymore… It’s different now. When I first came to LA I was 23. I would go to so many clubs and bars all the time, but actually, I hated it. Throughout my whole adolescence, I would just always be at someplace I hated. I would be at some horrible club, and hate it… I’m such an introvert; I don’t do that anymore. I much prefer to sit with one person and just talk.

Emma: So why do you think you ended up in all those clubs?

Lykke: It’s just youth, I guess – you do stuff you’re supposed to do all the time. It’s peer pressure and you’re trying to fit in. As you get older you realize who you are and what makes you feel good. And hopefully, you adjust your life accordingly.

Photographer	Dan Regan
Makeup	Ozzy Salvatierra
Hair	Lauren Palmer Smith
Interview	Emma James