A trip report from a porn star
Puma Swede broke the Internet with her debut boy–girl film “School of Hardcore” in 2005 and has since become a world-renowned porn star and glamour model with over a million followers on Instagram. She embodied the desires of the noughties – big boobs, big lips, blond hair and a tanned and skinny body. It feels like the world might have turned more slightly more ass-centric since 2010, but whether or not we live in a boob or ass era, and even if porn actors have been exchanged for Onlyfans content makers, Puma still thrives. Today she lives in Mexico and experiments with acid, like she fucking should. If Puma personifies the sexual wants and needs that lies deep within us, what lies deep within Puma? Here are some notes made during or after her trips. She says:
“I am convinced there is so much more capacity in our brains – that we can see or experience things that aren’t normally available to our senses. My preferred way to access this potential is by consuming LSD or mushrooms. Here are a few of my journaled experiences while letting go…”
24th January 2020
I see beautiful colors moving in patterns. They change with the music and pulsate toward me. Images of dancing people performing for me, and at the same time inviting me to join them. Sexually suggestive at times. “I” exist less and less. I feel weightless and not aware of my body. I am one with the visions and sounds. It’s like I cease to exist and that my spirit has been merged with everything. It’s happiness. It’s so damn beautiful, and I died transforming into something bigger.
13th oktober 2020
I have come to terms with my death and dying. I am not frightened of dying. I have seen and glimpsed the most amazing things. I have let go completely not knowing if I will return to this world again. I’ve floated around in light and there’s no better feeling. I have ‘come-down’ and although I am happy to live a long life, I accept whatever comes.
4th February 2021
They talk about the loss of one’s ego and the sense/perception of oneness when tripping. I don’t have much of an ego normally and when tripping it almost vanishes completely. But there are times when it reaches Goddess-like heights/levels and I feel like I can control what I am going to see or hear. I think I’m just letting myself fantasize for a bit then, hahahaaa… On one of my most intense trips, I was feeling so rewarded in life it felt unfair to feel so lucky. I started thinking of people less fortunate and feeling more compassion for a larger group of humans. I imagined a poor woman with a child. Her feeling of not being able to provide for her child. Living in a war torn country. I asked the universe to take her pain/ache away and let me carry it for a while so she could get some peace for a bit.
21th April 2021
I often also experience sympathy for others. Before heading out to the place where we decided to trip on this one occasion, I had my purse stolen by two men. I went through different emotions – anger, sadness, and disappointment at myself for being careless. I wondered if it was a good idea to alter my mind after that? I decided I wanted to do it, because it enhances positivity in me. During this trip I saw these men in front of me again. I first thought of them as scum and how I wish I could punish them. Then my mind started working, and I saw them in a different light. Most likely poor to be forced to rob other people. There may be other reasons they were desperate for money. In my mind I pictured them being caught and I would stand in front of them. I decided I would have forgiven them. Given them the little cash I was carrying because they probably had a bigger need for it than me…
6th December 2021
Recently I tried micro dosing. But it actually hit me stronger than a micro dose is supposed to. One question came to my mind – How free am I? Can I do whatever I want, whenever I want without hurting anyone? If you are 100% free, are you alone without any obligation to anyone? I pondered on this and figured out my number is 80% free.
| Photography | Guillermo Cassar |
| Styling | Joselyn Corona |
| Makeup | Aracly Gutierrez |
| Hair | Monica Pescose |
| Nails | Elsy Guerrero |